What's In a Name?

Your name is more than a collection of letters and syllables. Your name—like your voice itself—is a gorgeously complex world of breath, sound, intention, memory, emotion, and identity.  

Of course, you might not know that by how much time, energy, and care we give names in American culture—both our own and others’.

We spend a lot of time in workshops and with our private clients on the act of introducing yourself in different contexts.  So often, we gloss over our own name as if it’s the boring part we need to rush through to get to the “real content”.  But our names are important—both as pure information, and on a much deeper level. Our brains—particularly the social and emotional centers—respond powerfully to hearing our own names, even (as demonstrated in this neurological study) when the hearer is in a coma!  

But what about people who have “unusual” names? 

Unusual, of course, can mean “containing sounds or combinations of sounds unfamiliar to the ear of the listener”, but in practice, usually means “foreign-sounding” to American ears, and assumes American names as the default. Unusual is in the ear of the beholder.

For many, the experience of saying their names and hearing other people say them is annoying, frustrating, or downright painful. 

There can be immense pressure to “let people off the hook” by shortening it, accepting poor pronunciation, or even changing your name. But what do we lose when we give up on hearing our own unique name pronounced properly? What do those listening give up when they stop trying to get it right?  

Whether you are a Jen or a Jyotiraditya, you can honor your name by giving it the gravity and grace it deserves. By doing so, we claim space for our unique identity.

Our names hold information about our history and culture. Our names give a smart, connected listener an opportunity for the kind of curiosity that starts great conversation. By taking the time to get someone ELSE’s name right, you are doing such simple, important work to show that person that they are welcomed and valued—absolutely crucial to real inclusion.

We spoke to SPEAK mentorship founder Hetal Jani about this on our podcast, and we wanted to give her and a few others a chance to share their own name stories, and tell us about a powerful campaign that Hetal and SPEAK are running called “Speaking My Name”.  

1) What is your first (or most formative) memory of hearing someone get your name wrong? 

HuyenTran - When I was in kindergarten. 

Yodit - One of my most formative memories of hearing someone mess up my name was in high school when my French teacher would pronounce the Y as a J, despite telling her from day 1 that it’s Yodit and not Jodit, and throughout the year, her hearing my classmates pronounce it correctly. 

Hetal - 1st grade, when my teacher told me she would call me He-tall even though we spent a good few minutes in a back and forth exchange of me trying to get her to pronounce my name. 

2)  What was the turning point for you, and how did it inspire this campaign?  

HuyenTran - I NEVER had people call me by my real name.  I went by a lot of nicknames that were nowhere close to my real name which is HuyenTran (Hwin-Jun).  Some examples include Theresa, Tron, Jun, Jackie, T-Vo, Vo, Bella, the list goes on and on.   Many teachers and leaders in my life have told me I needed to change my name or at least go by a different name to be successful.  I looked up to these people so I trusted their opinions.  Just a few months ago I was on a panel with Hetal.  She corrected the moderator for mispronouncing her name.  Hetal was so elegant and confident with this correction.  I never had the courage or the tools to be able to correct someone.  I didn't think I was allowed to.  That's why we started this campaign.  I don't want someone to have to wait over 30 years until they hear their names spoken correctly. I felt empowered by just hearing one person to be proud and correct their name.  I am hoping the youth will hear not only my story but many others and feel empowered to have their names spoken correctly.   The youth are our future leaders and we need them to know that their identity matters! 

Yodit - The turning point for me was when someone commented on my voicemail where I pronounce my name as Yodit Haylie. Knowing how it’s properly pronounced, they chuckled and questioned why I would say my own name wrong. The answer: it’s easier for others. That being said, I’m inspired to be a part of this campaign seeing that it simply hits so close to home. My name has always been a challenge throughout my whole life. I shouldn’t have to change the way I say my name to make it more simple for others. Nobody should and we need to change that narrative.

Hetal - When I went to high school, a new environment, I thought I could get closer to people saying my name correctly. Since then, I've rehearsed different versions of my name I thought people would be able to still say. Most recently, its become Ethel with an H in front. In April, I was on a panel and, when I was introduced, the moderator mispronounced my name so I naturally went to correct her with well it's actually said more like Ethel with an H. That's when HuyenTran actually spoke up and said she hadn't ever corrected everyone and that, although she was introduced in that panel as Vo, that's not her first name. She and I ended up talking after that panel and it just felt right to launch this campaign; no one should have to deal with feeling so invisible when people completely ignore their name or don't attempt to try and say it correctly. How can we talk about culturally responsive education when teachers get it wrong from right in the beginning -- it starts with the name. 

3)  Why is taking the time and effort to get someone's name right so important?  How might honoring someone's name connect with wider social movements of diversity and inclusion?  

HuyenTran - Mispronouncing someone's name is a racial microaggression.  Any racial microaggression is still a form of racism.  My name is supposed to be my identity.  I am proud of my culture and my heritage and my name reflects that.  Saying someone's name correctly comes down to a sign of respect.  If you can't even respect my name why do I expect you to respect and value my life?  Even if you don't feel like your name "represents" as much meaning, it still matters because that is a part of your identity and your identity matters!  In order for us to reach a more just world, we need a simple start is to practice active listening when someone says their names.  If you aren't sure how to say someone's name, just ask! 

Yodit - Folks may not realize it yet, but it’s critical to take the time to say one’s name right because it’s common courtesy. It makes that individual feel included, welcomed, and accepted, and valued. Those who don’t have a unique or “difficult” name may not know how it can feel to constantly hear your name pronounced wrong on a regular basis, so they may not believe it’s important to that other person. For many, your name is your identity, your background, culture, etc, so when one takes the time to learn how to pronounce my name correctly, and even proceed to ask the meaning and where it comes from, it exhibits diversity and inclusion. It shows the acceptance of all cultures no matter where you’re from. It allows those with unique names to feel even more proud of where they come from, and it prevents bullying (many kids from ethnic backgrounds are bullied due to their names for many reasons). We’re living in a diverse part of the world, we must continue to show it! 

Hetal - In the first moment of meeting someone, if you aren't trying to ask them about who THEY are then you're not really meeting someone, you're just going through the social motions. Take the time to see someone, hear how they want to be called. If you don't, they stop showing up, in that space, especially with you, because you didn't respect them enough from the first moment. If you want to include diverse people in different spaces and make sure they belong, start with the name. There's so much to a name. 

4)  What would you like to say to someone who might have given up on having their name pronounced correctly?  

HuyenTran - I thought I given up.  I thought it was a silly dream and no one would ever say my name.  I am so happy I FINALLY started to speak up for myself.  I feel more valued, more seen by my peers and colleagues!  If your friends and colleagues really care and respect you they will try.  You have to take it seriously.  It won't be correct 100% of the time.  The more they hear and practice your name the more comfortable they will feel with saying it correctly.

Yodit - I’ve been in situations where I gave up on having my name being pronounced many times, especially at a younger age. I was embarrassed to correct others on my own name (which is really crazy when you think about it). If you too have given up on correcting others to pronounce your name, know that you matter. You have the right to have your name pronounced properly. You have the right to correct others. You have the right to have your name announced properly at work, award ceremony, graduation etc, with pride. No name is above another!

Hetal - I've given up on having my name pronounced correctly in a lot of spaces that I belong in. That makes me feel like an outsider, and I stopped showing up to those places as my full self. So, I get it. I'm still working on trying to say my own name right, to take the power of my own name back. I like being around people who at least try to say my name correctly, and ask me how I'd like to be called and make the effort. Start there. Be in those spaces. Get comfortable with your name getting the respect it deserves of being pronounced proudly and properly. When you're there, in enough safe spaces, you'll show up more as your full self and be able to let people know in all spaces how your name is pronounced. I'm working on that, and I hope you do, too. 

Be sure to post your name pronunciation video with the hashtag #speakingmyname, and join us June 16th for the Speaking My Name Summit, where we’ll be giving a workshop on how to say your name with pleasure and pride and how to respond when someone gets it wrong.

Public speaking, failure, public speaking coaches, public speaking coaching, authenticity, Vital Voice Training, Casey Erin Clark, Julie Fogh, communication specialists

Public speaking, failure, public speaking coaches, public speaking coaching, authenticity, Vital Voice Training, Casey Erin Clark, Julie Fogh, communication specialists